I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize