Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize