nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize