I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize