I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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