Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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