Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just google imaged poop.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
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So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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