my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
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the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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