i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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