btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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