I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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