Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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