A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
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Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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