And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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