Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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