he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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