I think my vagina is haunted
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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