he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize