she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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