Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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