You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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