Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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