It's Friday. Sex?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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