I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize