Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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