why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
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I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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