update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
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Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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