Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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