I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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