the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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