OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize