I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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