So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize