oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize