Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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