do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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