My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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