just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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