Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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