stop calling my apartment porn island.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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