he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
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1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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