I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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