Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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