Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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