Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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