someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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