Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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