it hurts more in the daytime
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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