I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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