dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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