my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize